The pain of Forgiveness

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. Psalm 51:4

I have heard spoken so many times, "I am a sinner saved by grace through faith". Spoken from the lips of Christians who by all rights have every right to believe and hold unto that. Indeed that it a beautiful thing, as beautiful as the words of John 3:16. I wonder though how many Christians take it to heart and hold it dear what it cost God and his only Son to save just one sinner from eternal damnation and bring him to the Light.
I have also heard say, that you only have to be saved once, when you repent of all your sins and after then all you have to do is ask for forgiveness from God and all will be rectified and made well again, now again I ask, when we do that, I wonder how many remember what it cost?
I have also heard this, "God loves me just as I am, I am His child, He is my Father". I still wonder again whether we do remember what it cost, to bring salvation to the world. I like to believe that also that God loves me and indeed He must or else He wouldn't send His Son down to die for us.
Now we kneel and ask for forgiveness every single day for some people and for others, when we are sick or we nearly have an accident. I wonder how many people remember the words from the Lord's Prayer that says "Forgive us as we forgive them that sin against us", I dare to ask, right before you kneel, have you forgiven? The many people that offend you daily, have you forgiven? The many you offend daily, have you forgiven them? We expect so much and we give so little and i wonder, based on the saying "whatever you sow, that you shall reap", how many of us deserve forgiveness? Especially at the cost for which it was purchased (it is not my answer to give, but God's)?
Yes He is a merciful God, but one thing I know for sure is this, my God hasn't changed, He hated sin then and I am very sure, He still does so right now. And while he was willing to do wonderful things to save Israel from captivity in Egypt, He was quite willing to kill them all because of sin.
I read a devotional from Oswald Chambers and it touched me in different ways and prompted my writing of this post.

Never build your case for forgiveness on the idea that God is our Father and He will forgive us because He loves us. That contradicts the revealed truth of God in Jesus Christ. It makes the Cross unnecessary, and the redemption “much ado about nothing.” God forgives sin only because of the death of Christ. God could forgive people in no other way than by the death of His Son, and Jesus is exalted as Savior because of His death.

We need to remember as Christians, that every single time we kneel to ask for forgiveness, every single time we kneel in repentance that we ask God to remember Calvary, to remember the death of His only Son, the only one that lived a blameless life, to remember the Pain, the Death and the Suffering and the reason for it. We ask Him to remember the Pain of Forgiveness and have mercy. God knows I myself need to remember this as well, daily, to remember the simple statement our Lord Jesus Christ made to all sinners while on earth.

Go and sin no more!!!

Beyond the Prodigal border..

I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants. Luke 15:18-19

We all know the story of the prodigal son, at one point in time, a lot of us have seen that story acted out in lives around us, most times we have even lived out that story in our very lives.
It starts slowly, very slowly, usually prompted by a sense of injustice caused by something God didn't do for us. We fail to see most times that God doesn't fail us, he never ever does, but people do all the time, from ages past, till date and even in times yet to come. We stop doing things we used to do, and start doing things we never used to do. We think we have it under control, but slowly it slips out of our control. I will bring to mind a scripture we hold dearly to heart

I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man.

I like to call it a little slip, a little stumble; that is how it starts. A little drink here, a little smoke there, just a little flirting there, just change the records this once, take this little token just this once. A year later you are wondering; How did I get this far? How did it get this bad? You close your eyes to things you shouldn't and open your eyes to things you shouldn't. And the rot begins, from the inside out. At first you do things in secret, hiding so the people you know won't see you, as time goes by, you stop being bothered and live out the rot in full view for anyone to see (does that remind you of someone?)

At several points I have wondered why people don't repent, I wonder why after Lucifer was cast out from heaven, why he didn't repent. I have wondered why Adam and Eve did not ask God for forgiveness. We say and a lot of times believe, that pride goes before a fall. Yet we harbor pride within us, and when we fall, rather than remove the pride, we add stubbornness to it. holding firmly, obstinately and sometimes foolishly to our faults, scared to admit that we were ever wrong. The sad thing is that it happens, you look at lives and wonder, how did it go so wrong? I have wondered why we have rehabs for alcoholics, drug addicts and all sorts of problems but none for prodigal Christians. Yes that is what the Church is supposed to be, but with everyone declaring for religion these days rather than Christianity, I wonder how that is supposed to work (but that is for another day).

I have lived that life, took me six months; six months of not spending time in fellowship with neither God or man, six months of my life spiraling out of control. Six months where the knock on the door of my heart that meant my Father had come calling, the knock that gave warnings, that knock that brought joy started prompting dread, took me into hiding, buried me under the covers rather than taking me to my knees. In the six months, my stubbornness and pride took me past that prodigal point, all through prodigal country, to all time lows even for me. I was dead inside a walking corpse, numb to emotions, just going through the motions. My life took me right to the Prodigal border. I stood and I looked beyond and all I saw was darkness, a darkness that even in my darkened state, frightened me enough to wake me up. I looked beyond the Prodigal border and I chose Life. Like the prodigal son I said I will arise and not just go back to my Father, but I have run back to him and I refuse to look back anymore. I chose Life, which would you choose?

Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. 1 Cor 10:12

One thing I ask for, one thing I require, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord forever and ever. Amen.

Lost but found

I am far from perfect, but you still call me holy,
The further I stray, the wider your arms to guide me home again,
Your eyes are ever searching, searching for your lost sheep,
The sheep that signify your children, some lost, others driven,
Ever willing to guide them home again

When I say I am ready but am far from steady,
Shaken, scared and nearly broken,
When am lost, lonely and far from home,
Far from love, comfort and fellowship,
Help me know you are near.

I spent so much time searching for answers I still can’t find, looking for solutions to problems I need not have, I spent so much time looking around I failed to look to the one place I actually should. And in the looking I picked up a lot more than I could handle.
I am writing this, after a night filled with doubts or thoughts about whom and what I am, at a time when it seems like nothing makes sense anymore. When you have tried over and over again and still find yourself not just at the beginning but a few steps further from where you started from. I am writing this because of the light at the end of the tunnel that has seemed close enough to touch only for it to go so far out that it seems impossible to get to. The sharp pangs that announce the loneliness that gnaws your heart, especially when the green in your yard is painted just to make it as beautiful as the rest. Done fed up, tired of it all, a time when like Job, like Elijah, you are so fed up that you just want to lay down and die.
Just when it seems like it can’t get any worse, everything steps up a notch or two. The weariness of it all eats at you draining you totally, completely. Pride keeps you going, the stubborn pride born more out of stubbornness than any other thing, the feeling that one day you will reach out and break through to the light, the same stubborn pride that got you there in the first place. Tonight I see, I see a pattern, I see a design, I see repetitions, I see hope.

• I see sheep, with disaster looming. Are they bothered? No. Be it lack of water or food, be it danger, hunger, worries, tears or fears. One characteristic is always seen, they look to their shepherd.
  
• I see people bitten and dying in the most desolate of places, I see the Israelites asked to do one thing, look up to the snake on the staff.
  
• I see a man, frustrated beyond measure, starved and ready to die; I hear a still small voice saying lift up your eyes…
  
• I see a cross, with one man sent to die for me, to die so that I could write this message today, not by your might, or by your power, not by your plans or notions, but by grace, by grace I am saved. Not so I can accept and live the life I want to, but so I can accept and step into the fold, and there can only be one shepherd.
  

At a time when the cares of the world continuously bombard one, how much time and how often does one spend listening to the shepherd? How many people even know His voice? A voice saying:

• Behold I stand at the door and knock and if any will, he will open his door and I will come in and dine with him and he with Me… A wonderful invitation, take a moment, take a minute and hear that ever sweet sound.
  
• Come to me all you who are burdened and heavy laden, come to me and I will give you rest, He will give us and not we giving ourselves.
  

What can separate us from the love of Christ?

Romans 8:35-39
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36 As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.