Your choice, the first step...

There has been a burden in my heart for so long, a desire to speak out but then I never knew what it was, the words where there but just beyond my reach, whether it was because I was worrying about things I should not have worried about, I don't know, whether it was because of the sick feeling I have felt for so long, I still do not know, but in the last couple of days these words have become clearer and clearer, till they have become so clear that I just have to speak out. The last time I felt this way I said nothing and I know everything that happened after. There are three things I should focus on as a christian, and I mean a real christian, born of water, fire and the spirit. The first is my choice to be a christian, the second is my fellowship and the final one is my future.

God created us in his own image, in his own likeness and gave us the one thing he gave no other animal on earth, free will, the ability to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted, however we wanted, he gave us the choice as well to do either good or evil, yin and yan or however you want to put it. Now as a christian I have been told right from my time as a kid, that the christian race is a single race and that at the end of the day you stand up and give an account of yourself and all your activities on earth, and the part that always freaked me out as a kid was the fact that all your inner thoughts and your secret activities shall be brought to light. But then I begin to digress...
Now having all this in mind, with all the thoughts flooding my heart and my mind I realised one thing that the period where the race is single with just you and you running it is the race track to the choice, the race track to the decision to serve God and serve him alone, beyond that, you have the Holy Spirit and you have different people put into your life to help you along that journey (again I begin to digress). Now when it comes to making the choice that choice to follow, that choice to serve, three verses come to mind.

• The first commandment: Thou shall have no other God's before me for God is a jealous God (Exodus 20:2-4). This goes hand in hand with the first commandment Jesus stated, Love the lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength (there is no other commandment greater than this.
  
• Joshua's last words: Choose you this day whom you would serve, (Joshua 24:15-end).
  
• No man can serve two masters: (Matthew 6:24-end)
  

A lot of times we claim to serve God, we claim to worship, we claim to be christians, we claim to be born again, but then deep down we know, we know that we have not really made that choice to follow him in spirit and in truth, if it was a wedding vow we made to God we would have left out some vital clauses. Am not judging anyone or condemning anyone, God knows that I as I stand have no right to do that because I am as guilty as the next man.
The first passage stated were spoken to a people who saw God's work as never seen before and not seen since and yet they sinned and grieved God, not once, not twice but over and over again if they found it difficult to make the choice to serve God with all they saw, check yourself again, I have and I still am "Have u made your choice?".
The second passage was spoken to the next generation a people who knew God slew their fathers because of sin, a people who knew God, I mean He made the sun stand still, He made one of the greatest cities in their time crumble without them having to fire a single shot, how much more would a generation have wanted to see? Yet they did not choose to serve. What have I seen? What have you seen?
The final verse literally blew my mind. No man can serve two masters, you can either choose one and hate the other, or hold unto one and despise the other. All my life I have known that verse, never ever have i tied what is spoken of after to it. God will take care of you nobody knows tomorrow, Jesus spoke about Solomon there the richest man in the world not being clothed as wonderfully as the birds of the air. He was saying all this to a people who saw all his mighty works, to his disciples who saww all he did and yet when he was crucified no one stood for Him, again I ask, what have you seen? Nothing, nothing at all.
Having made the choice to serve one master, one holds on, no matter what, instead of acting like the israelites who worship after the parting of the red sea but cry 2 weeks later for meat and water, you act like Daniel and his friends, holding on to their choice even in the face of death. Rather than acting like Peter and the disciples running off at the first sign of trouble during Jesus trial, you act like they did after the ascension, holding on even in the face of death.
Now I am getting carried away.
Reading all these passages made me realise certain things, as christians there are things that we should have let go of. Our lives should be changed. If there are certain things we looked at as ok, we should not see them that way anymore, am not mentioning any names cos if I/you/we have sincerely made the choice to follow, the choice to obey then the spirit in us tells us when we are wrong, and if we have truly made the choice to follow we would obey the spirit.

Not to scare you (even though it did scare me) but then as a last word, Jesus said what would it profit a man if he gains the world and lose his soul. Now we as christians, living our lives serving two masters what are you doing? You are not gaining the world and not gaining your soul, What are you doing? There can only be one master, if you are not for God you can only be heading one place else. So rather than lose out on the world and lose your soul(because of your selective christianity) then you had best embrace the things of this world and know where you stand(sorry if this offends anyone but i couldn't think of how else to put it)

Choose you this day who you will serve. If God then serve him with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind. You can only serve one master, either God or the world. God is a jealous God, you can not afford to have any other God's besides him. He loves you unconditionally, then show him that you are worthy of his love. Enough time spent asking for his grace, asking for forgiveness for things you know you shouldn't have done. Time is now to stand in the gap and be the person God wants you to be, which is to bring people closer to him.

Lift up your eyes to the hills...

I woke up this morning for the first time in a really long time, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to face the day, having a dejavu -ish feeling(a feeling that I had been in this situation so many times before). I woke up this morning feeling alone, I was searching for answers that I knew I did not need but still wanted anyway. For the first time I asked God if it was worth it, if all the sacrifice was worth it, the pain, the trouble, the position I was in, for the first time I was tired of trying, tired of hoping tired of having faith, for the first time I was saying "Lord if this is your will then I don't want it anymore". Thoughts kept on running through my mind about how I could deal with my situation (the focus here is on I) until I remembered a scripture that had been in my mind for some time now, something I was actually going to talk about but realised I had best first apply it to my life.
I on't know if you have ever had the same feelings run through your mind, ever felt the same way, ever asked God when it wuld be your turn.Read Psalm 121, meditate on it, let each word run through your mind and minister to you, soothe your mind.

I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

Are you sad, are you down, are you in a fix, have u been trying and failing for some time now, looks like there is no way out of where you are? Seems like you are running around in circles doing the same old things over and over again? Lift up your eyes to the hills, lift up your eyes to the one who sees, the one who knows, I thought about that sentence ran it through my mind and this came to me, He is on the hill, watching you. He sees the whole picture, He knows where you are right now, He knows how the journey should(not would) end and He is ever willing to show you the way. Just Lift up your eyes to Him and Him alone, all other sources WILL fail you . If not right away then sometime soon. Your help comes from the Lord who made the heavens and the earth, nothing is too small for him, he spoke and mountains were formed, no matter how big your situation is, no matter how impossible it seems, just trust Him look to him and the result is this:

He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

When trouble comes, it is so easy to go back to the things we are used to, they are like drugs to shut pain out, drugs we use to lie to ourselves that everything is ok and most times if not all the time, we eventually get back to the same position we started from even more frustrated. There is a promise attached to our lifting our eyes to him, God is ever watching and I mean ever watching as long as you are willing to give him the chance to. And this is the best part of this chapter to me He is my shade by my right hand, The sun will not smite me by day nor the moon by night. I have quoted this scripture so many times as a kid and I have never thought of the meaning and it hit me like a trailer; there is one thing we can't do anything about, whether you are rich or poor the sun and the moon touch us all alike in the exact same way, now God is promising us this, the sun will not smite you by day nor the moon by night, in the world today we can point at situations that affect us all alike, I won't mention any but am sure individually we all can point at more than two situations. That it is happening around you don't mean that it will affect you.

The sun will not smite you by day or the moon by night, Just lift up your eyes to the hills.

And finally the promise...

The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

It is now and forever more, not just for your present situation but in all situations, he will watch over your life, your going out and coming in, yesterday, today, tomorrow, now and forevermore.

A lot of times we have problems we are scared to share,scared to relate with people not because we don't want to, but simply because they don't understand, and most times your fears are not understood simply because no one else sees them the way you do (if that makes sense). If you are feeling alone because of this, just lift your eyes to Him, He understands, He feels your pain, He is ever there for you.

In my life I have only ever wanted two things, God's peace on my life and a companion. The two things he God gave man before he fell. I had a companion ( had I say) that I lost due to my trying to do things my way (this is the feeling I had this morning) and though people may wonder why it makes me feel the way I do I ask this, you have just two things you desire in this life and one is lost, how would you feel? Yes there are a lot of people out there but all I need is one, just one. This is not about me but then...
Feeling the way I did this morning going down on my knees to ask God why, to ask God how, to ask God for help for guidance, that is human nature but then, if God won't let the sun smite me by day or the moon by night, then most definitly ordinary will not do when I go down on my knees. He sent his SOn down to die for me, to redeem me, to redeem you. I went down on my knees today, right now as I am writing this, I remember Paul and Silas in jail when they sang, I remember Daniel praying to God as he always did even in the face of death, I remember Lionel Pietersen having days to live still yet going about ministering to people. Who am I, to let my problems, my desires to come between me and my God, he does not sleep or slumber, he is there to preserve my life and watch my going out and coming in, today and forevermore, till I meet him again, I fell on my knees and cried out to God,





Here am I Lord,
Here to worship,
here to serve.
Just use me.