Your choice: Your fellowship

It has been said that the Romans were the greatest army in their time and it is said that it was because the soldiers were able to fight as a unit. That and their ability to build roads gave them success. In the last world cup, Italy won not because they had the best players but because they had the best team. Am not here to talk about roads or football. Am here to talk about fellowship.
Fellowship can be defined as a collection of people who share the same beliefs, ideas who come together to talk about experiences, ideals, interests, to encourage each other. At the moment looking around at us,me and you, more especially me, I can sincerely say that the fellowship bit is quite difficult to come by. Not because the people are not there but because most times we are either not trusting enough to share our hearts with people, sometimes because we haven't seen people like minded as we are, sometimes we have tried and failed to get along with people and have felt awkward or left out because we don't feel like we can match up to their expectations. A lot of times we leave all the things we used to do to embrace a new life with Christ and we find out the hard truth, like Paul we find out that fellow christians look at us with the same eye they looked at us with a while back, not trusting and not being open, we can't go back to things of old because our spirit does not agree with them and we find ourselves drifting, a lot of times we drift back to things we used to do before in some cases we take root and begin to grow.
When I talk about fellowship, I am not talking about my best friend, or my drinking buddy, I ain't talking about my father or my mother, not my sister or my brother, not the guy I see on the street everyday that i chat with. When I talk about fellowship:

• I am talking about the original reason Eve was created for Adam: so that he would not be alone, as a companion.
• I am talking of the vows made on a wedding day which are said so many times that they become automatic to us.
• I am talking about the relationship David and Jonathan had back in their day, the relationship Daniel, Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego had to stay strong, when everyone else was eating food sacrificed to idols.
• I am talking of what Elijah yearned for in the wilderness when he asked God to take his life, before God showed him 3000 more people who had the same belief with him
• I am talking of what Jesus was talking about when he looked at his disciples after he was told his family was around.
• I am talking about what the disciples were doing when the Holy Spirit came down on them and they started speaking in tongues
• Paul and Silas singing and praying in prison.

This might not make sense but then here it is, when you were little, your parents sent you out to school to learn with people like you, not because you can't learn on your own(there is home schooling) but because you would be around people like you, to learn faster, to learn quicker and more importantly to give u an environment where you can grow.
If you have made the choice like I have to serve God and God alone, most importantly if you have made this choice recently or even a while ago, if like me you are going through things in life you find difficult to share, difficult to talk about, because of trust issues, because you tried and nobody understood, or you tried and it seems like you are the only one with issues then you are in the wrong place. I am not talking about Alcoholics Anonymous, I am talking about a place where you are not scared to voice out how you feel, not just in a place where you can receive advice or receive encouragement, but a place where u feel needed, a place where you feel you count, a place where you know the people with you are going through struggles like you.
This all seems so blurry at the moment, it seems like it is not making sense, I feel like i should wait a little more so I could structure my thoughts more properly but then, I was in Cardiff yesterday and as I was leaving I saw something that got to me; an old woman saying goodbye to her daughter. It wasn't the goodbye that struck me but the look in the old woman's eyes after her daughter got on the bus, it struck me because it is a look I have seen in my eyes so many times, the look of loneliness that we try so hard to mask, we try so hard to hide. If this message touches you in anyway then it is for you. If not then I thank God for your life.
Two things matter most in our lives as a christian, our fellowship with God, and our fellowship with man, summarized so properly by the savior when he spoke of the two greatest commands, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and might and you shall love your neighbour as yourself".
If you have ever felt alone, felt unneeded, felt like no one cared about you, look at the man/woman laughing out there, the people all around you, they feel the same too, you are not alone, find your fellowship today with your Father first and then your neighbour.

A lot of times I hear that it is a single race this christian race of ours, so we make it out that it is how we get to heaven that counts. By we I mean individually, and fine I agree with that but then if we are to love our neighbour as ourselves that makes you as important as I am, and that makes me as important as I am. Recently I wondered as well why it is only when guest preachers come to our churches that we are willing to come out and confess to things that we wouldn't confess to normally, why we are more willing to talk about our flaws and faults with strangers.

I hope this touches a heart out there, its a note i wrote a while ago, something i felt, something I had been thinking for a long time now.

LONELINESS

A word often felt but much denied,
A desire for company,
A need to let out emotions,
A hug, a kind word,
Maybe just 5 minutes of your time.

The hearts cry for warmth,
warmth inflowing not outflowing,
flowing in from a friend, a loved one,
Oh just 4 minutes of your time.

We search so long, so far, so wide,
for someone to share our deepest fears,
our desires our needs.
Searching but not finding,
seeking but not feeling
reaching out but not receiving
All i need is 3 minutes.

How on earth does it go on,
How does the mind keep on keeping on,
This search wears me out,
Its tearing me down,
Dont know how much I can take,
All i need is 2 minutes.

Time is running out,
the heart turns cold and starts to slow,
all hope slowly fading out,
cos no one seems to know,
How much the heart needs to know
the warmth, the care from a friendly heart to glow..
All i needed was a minute.
To open up my heart, to show how I feel,
to know what i feel.
A minute now gone,
Heart fading away,
mind going numb,
Void of all feeling,
All dats left is loneliness...

I am slowly getting to a point where I get so tired of living this way, where I feel no one understands, where I feel like I am the only one with problems, where I just want to stop trying and just give up, each time I hold on for just one more day, I pray to God for strength to keep going on.

You are not alone. Be blessed and bless others. God loves you more than I do.